Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Brown-Nosing Populism

Campbell Brown has a show. It's called, "Campbell Brown: No Bias, No Bull". We'll come back to that.

Yesterday, in a special commentary (read: jeerleading segment) called "Chutzpah", Ms. Brown dogged Wells Fargo for canceling a "swanky Las Vegas trip that it had planned for its employees last weekend at two high-end casino resorts". It was only canceled after the trip was reported in the AP--"economic crisis be damned", Campbell chimes.

Yes, because the last thing we want are banks spending money at places that employ people in an economically depressed region like Las Vegas.

Moving along, she goes on to mock them for taking out an estimated $200,000 worth of ad space in the NYT and the W. Post...which Wells Fargo did to explain to the country that it had to cancel its employee recognition program because the populist-shilling media are full of mewling dunces, and because Paulson essentially forced them to take the bail-out money against their wishes.

This is where it should be mentioned that this trip was to recognize outstanding workers--tellers, cashiers, and, yes, some brokers, too. Here's Campbell's sarcasm-laden, but bull-free recommendation for Wells Fargo.

"You wanna thank your workers? Try email; put the letter on your website instead, it won't cost you a dime."

From the bottom of my proletariat heart: Campbell Brown, that was a comment from a pampered, soulless, nitwit. You work at CNN. You have people dress you everyday, and put your makeup on for you. How about you don't comment when a company actually tries to do something nice for its non-commissioned employess. You wouldn't know anything about that. We workers are smart enough--and petty enough--to know that if it costs the company more, they mean it.

And (it must be said) it's called bullshit, sweetheart. Perhaps this confusion on who the bad guys are is rooted in this underlying confusion. Bullshit is a smelly, foul, useless excretion; clearly we can do away--cut--that. The bull is beneficial; it's the reason we take up the task of cutting the bullshit. Here's a cheatsheet:

Bull = Good. Bullshit = Bad.

Print that up, and hang it on your mirror. You can stare it while the beautician masks your age so they don't can you for a 25-year old FoxNews blonde.

Motley Fools has much better coverage, but still misses those poor workers.

Last (to bring these guns to bear on the CEO of Wells Fargo for a minute), the ad used the word 'boondoggle', and therefore gave occassion for that relentless scourge of a term to be weaponized against me yet once more. You, too, have earned my ire.

Kelis Ain't Got Nothin' On Kissel

Nancy Kissel's milkshake brought her husband to the yard--the backyard. So she served up another milkshake to bring him to the graveyard.

Kissel was found guilty of murder and sentenced to life in prison in 2005 in the case widely referred to as the "milkshake murder." She was convicted of drugging her husband, Robert, with sedatives in 2003 and then bludgeoning the wealthy banker on the head with a metal ornament.

...

Kissel said her husband, a 40-year-old investment banker for Merrill Lynch, was an erratic whiskey-swilling workaholic who also snorted cocaine and forced her to have painful anal sex.


I know, I know: tasteless...tacky...American.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Welcome to Seriousity

I only hope that American minds can rise to the same height of thought as their adulation.  We shall see.  Godspeed during your years, Mr. President.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Meditations on Sufism

Some people I know on Facebook have been posting some really intriguing things. I'm not going to bore you with 1) a whole lesson or 2) a dissection of why I think Sufism is the way forward. I'll stick to the biggie, and it's the crucial sentence.

And then there is the inspiring teacher, be he a humble man, an illiterate person, or a meditative soul, a great teacher or a humble one, he is what you think him to be, as everyone is to us what we think them to be.

Man, talk about a positive approach to life! If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: If only you had imagined that guy in the alley was a lover to you instead of a rapist. He's there to teach you, girl!

Something Old, Something New

"Hey Bob."

"Hey Carl. How's the plumbing business--still crappy?"

"Hilarious as always, Bob. Same ol', same ol'. What's new in your world?"

Bob extended his hand, pretending to idly examine it. "Oh, nothing much."

Carl's jaw dropped. "Oh. My. God, Bob! Sally proposed? Oh, I'm so happy for you! And your ring--it's beautiful!"

"Thanks. I like the marquise cut, but, I don't know--I've always been partial to the princess, you know?"

"I hear you. When Jane gave me mine I thought, "Wow: Cheap-o alert! But, I know she loves me. Anyways, congratulations, really."

"Thanks, Carl. Take care."

--later--

"And you should have seen that tacky crackerjack ring she got him, Dirk. Oh, it was just awful."

"I wouldn't worry about it. Bob's such a slut...I don't give them two years."

"Boyfriend, you ain't kiddin'."

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Overheard, Near the Post-Christmas Day Runway

Her: Yay!  They fit!

Him: Uh, these are low-rise.  You've dressed me like your brother.

Her: They make your butt look good.

Him: That's handy, because every time I bend over three inches of it are exposed.